


Impressions

by Zoya113



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Fucking abt w ur friends, Gen, Impressions and mockery, thats unrestrained summer fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24838033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: When Ted starts making crude impressions of his coworkers, it becomes a little too fun for the others to pass up on.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic from the unfinished drafts that’s why it ended so abruptly lmao

“Hey, would you date this girl?” Ted showed Melissa his phone, allowing her to stare for a second.

“Who is she?”

“Dunno. Just found her online. Would you?” 

She shrugged. “I dunno. She’s more Paul’s type I think,” it was her politest way of saying no. 

“Hah. Paul’s type,” he chuckled. “You think she looks like Emma?” 

She shrugged. “I dunno, a little bit!”

Ted grunted, smirking to himself. “Paul’s type is girls who will walk all over him, you know Emma wears the pants in that relationship.” 

“Weird way to phrase it,” Melissa played with her hair, wrapping a lock around her finger. 

“Oh to be Paul and be the biggest sub on the planet. To have a girl make fun of me every day, oh that’s the dream.”

“That was a not a very nice thing to say,” Melissa placed her hands over her ears at that crude impression. She wasn’t sure why. 

“Sorry, baby. Would you prefer me to have censored the adult talk there?” 

She rolled her eyes, tired of being mocked already.  
“Well she’s pretty but I don’t really know,” she chanted the topic right back, glancing back up at Ted. “Why are you asking?” 

“Ah. Just curious. She’s hot but there’s something about her that’s like...” he didn’t know where he was going it seemed, so he cut himself short. 

Melissa cleared her throat to deepen her voice, puffing out her chest in her best impression of Ted. “Something about her that’s like, so un-sexy. She wouldn’t laugh at my jokes and that would make me sad.” 

Ted put his phone down to stare at her as she waited for him to laugh. “What the fuck?” 

“That was my impression of you,” she explained. “That’s what you always do. Each time you go on a date with a girl you turn her down if she doesn’t laugh at your jokes and you don’t try again for like, weeks. That was what the voice was for,” she nodded as she explained, a slight grin on her face as she waited for it to click, but Ted never smiled. 

He tucked his phone away with a deadpan look, sparing her a glare that made her realise she was not as funny as she thought she was. “You’re annoying, Melissa.”

That kind of ruined her smile. 

“Do you want to see my impression of you?” He asked, although it didn’t quite sound like a question at all. She didn’t even have time to nod before he broke out into a high pitched yet nasally wail with zero regard for all the people working, slamming his fists on the table. 

She shied away with a pout to wait for him to finish. “That was an impression of a baby having a tantrum.” 

“Yeah, well you heard me,” he got his phone back out with a bothered shake of his head. “You’re a brat, Melissa.” 

“That was kinda uncalled for,” she played with her hair absently. 

He shrugged, rolling his eyes. “Don’t start what you can’t finish.”

Still in a sour mood, Paul was on the receiving end of her frowns and pouts when he was unlucky enough to catch her in the break room eating her yoghurt. 

“Why are you making that face?” He asked. 

“Ted was making fun of me.”

“Oh. I’m sorry,” he apologised, scratching his neck.

Melissa took another spoonful of her strawberry yoghurt before sighing loudly so Paul couldn’t take his attention away. “He did a really mean impression of me.” 

“Oh, that sucks. About your voice?” 

She put her spoon down. Her voice? “Huh?” 

“Oh. Um,” realising that might not have been the right answer he quickly scrambled to correct himself. “Uh, because you know. His is so deep and yours is kinda high.” 

She let out a growl. “Well you want to see my impression of you?” 

“Actually I don’t know if I-“

As Ted had, she did not give him a choice either. “I’m Paul Matthews!” She began with just to establish her point, bumping her fists together so hard it was more of a punch. “And I have a crush on my girlfriend but I won’t say anything even though we’re dating. Watch me drink my coffee during a conversation to cover up my lacking conversational skills!”

“Well,” he purses his lips shut, his hand going to his cup to take a sip before realising that would just prove her point. “I’m not- I don’t talk like that.” 

“Yes you do. Don’t tell me you aren’t off on your way to Beanies now,” she scoffed. “My voice, Paul?” She tried to deepen it now that she was self conscious about just how high it was. 

“I’m sorry! I just thought that was what he was bullying you for!”

“Is he talking about me behind my back?” Her jaw dropped. “Oh my god. Well my name is Paul Matthews and I’m such a pushover I let my friends bully each other and I keep my mouth shut.” 

“It’s called not being a snitch!” 

“It’s called ‘who’s side are you on!?’” She retorted, tossing the other half of her yoghurt in the bin and washing off her spoon so she could storm out effectively after his response. “He made fun of you first, you know.”

“Oh, come on Melissa. I’m sorry. You didn’t have to throw out your lunch, I’ll go get you a pastry from beanies if you want? It’s on me!” A failed attempt at redeeming himself. 

“I don’t want your dirty money, Paul.” 

“Wow, let me guess,” she was stopped in her tracks by the angrier tone Paul’s voice took on. “He was making fun of you for being childish wasn’t he? Hey, here’s my impression of you, I’m Melissa Faith and I only know how to cook one meal and it isn’t even one of the foods I like so sometimes I forget to eat and I don’t see any problem with that!” 

“Well I’m Paul Matthews and I waited for the apocalypse to make my move because I’m a simp!” 

“Oh well I don’t- I don’t even know what that means! I’m Melissa and I let a cat boss me around!” 

“Like you aren’t the bigger doormat! I’m Paul and I can’t get through one sentence without saying ‘um’ ten times!” She was standing on the tips of her toes just to get in his face, his shoulders were hunched up like raised hackles and his face was cherry red. 

“What’s going on in here?” Mr Davidson stood in the doorway with his empty coffee cup, one hand in his pocket. 

They didn’t know how long he had been watching for so they quickly backed off each other. “Nothing, Mr Davidson,” Paul shook his head. 

“No, not true, Paul was making fun of me, Mr Davidson!” 

“Oh, about how you eat kids brand yoghurt or your handwriting?” Mr Davidson frowned. “Paul, just let her do her job. Shouldn’t you be working?” 

She paled again. Her handwriting? The yoghurt that she hadn’t even finished? She bit down on her tongue, brows knitting as she puffed out her chest again.

Paul gave a subtle shake of his head, patting her arm once as a nice advisor to not start mocking her boss, too. 

“Sorry, Mr Davidson,” she hung her head.

“Yes, Mr Davidson,” Paul apologised, he and Melissa hurrying out of the break room, fight already forgotten. 

Paul broke out into a small chuckle below his breath as the door swung shut behind them, “I’m Mr Davidson and I love my wife,” he began, his voice far deeper than it needed to be.

Melissa giggled, elbowing him with her eyes shut tight so she didn’t have to admit she found it funny. “I’m Mr Davidson and I’m the boss! My wife-“ she couldn’t even finish before breaking off to laugh. 

“My wife,” Paul repeated, mimicking that stupid borat impression that Ted always used. 

“No, no. We can’t make fun of Ted he could absolutely destroy us,” Melissa gasped, red in the face as she tried to wipe the crooked smile off her face. 

“Oh well I can’t make fun of Bill or Charlotte! They don’t deserve it!” 

“I-I’m Bill,” she started, her own breathing shaky as she prematurely began to laugh again. “Have you had enough water today?” 

“Shut up!” He warned, ushering her over to her desk to make it seem like he was being productive instead of wasting his time joking. “Hey. Listen. I’m Bill and I-“ he stopped himself, waving a hand. “I can’t do that. I can’t hit him where it hurts.” He shook his head, switching topics. “I’m Charlotte,” he continued though, clearly being very careful of his words. “How are you feeling? Do you need to sit down dear?” He added with a polite touch to her shoulder.

Charlotte had never actually said anything like that the both of them were fairly sure, but they were a bit hysterical now unfortunately. 

“It’s only funny if you’re making fun of someone not so unfortunate,” Melissa tearily lay down the rules with a shake of her head. “Otherwise it’s just bullying. They wouldn’t do it to us.”

“I’m flattered you don’t think we’re unfortunate,” Paul snorted. 

Melissa rolled her eyes. “Oh buddy. We’re unfortunate. But no one’s stopping us making fun of ourselves.”

“Look. If I was Charlotte, I’m just saying I wouldn’t be very happy at all if someone made fun of my failing marriage, and if I was Charlotte, I wouldn’t make fun of me behind my back.”

“And look,” Paul nodded to show he was playing along, or at least agreeing not to be a snitch. “If I was Bill, I would hate people making fun of my divorce, and if I was Bill, I would shut this all down before it even began.”

Melissa’s eyes locked with his, and it was a challenge to see who would break and make the first impression. 

“Don’t,” Paul warned. They couldn’t. They just couldn’t. 

“Oh well if his divorce is the only thing off limits-!” Melissa began just for the laugh because it was far too raw to pick on Bill for any of his other misfortunes.

They had to call it quits before Ted saw them having too much fun and decided to bully them too, though, something they were acutely aware of when it came to keeping the volume down.

“Oh man, oh man!” Melissa smacked a hand on her desk. “Can you go make fun of Ted now for me?” She asked, assuming they were back on good terms. “I’m Paul and I’m kinda a pushover so I’ll enact revenge on Melissa’s behalf if she asks nicely?” She offered up another impression hopefully.

“Wow, I’m Melissa and apparently I’m ruthless!” Paul allowed his jaw to drop, shaking his head. He was less of a pushover than he was a bully.

“What!” She groaned, letting out a sigh of defeat. “Man, and I was just about to do a nice impression of you too.”


End file.
